Not a few cases exist where a son or daughter, at a young age, despite the principles received at home, decides not to embrace the Christian faith or stay under their family values. This can bring great disappointment to parents, who carry on their shoulders a pain that finally leads them to ask themselves, What did we do wrong?
To this painful situation is often added the attitude of their congregation, which many times questions the relevance of the teachings given at home, looking for someone to blame, and in certain cases, adding pain to pain. Even more so when these parents are serving in some role in the local church; usually with people pointing to Paul’s words in 1 Timothy 3, about the requirement for ministers to have their children under submission.
In Scripture we do find some examples of the parent–child relationship, and how the behavior of the first affects the second. However, this is not always the case. Let us consider some biblical examples.
A well-raised son with expected results
The story of the priest Samuel, as told in the first book that bears his name, is a clear example of two different parental attitudes toward their children, and their predictable consequences.
Here we meet a woman who, having to endure the scorn of her husband’s other wife, cries out to God. Her inability to have children brings deep depression upon her. But her prayer carries a tragic note: she promises the Lord that when she conceives a son, she will present him in the temple and dedicate him to God’s service.
A difficult promise that she fulfills once the child is born. As soon as the boy is weaned, this mother does exactly what she said. There Samuel grows and is called by God for service in the temple.
A whole life dedicated to God. This young priest not only becomes God’s instrument to replace a generation of corrupt and immoral religious leaders, but he is also entrusted with the task of anointing Israel’s first kings. A mission of great importance and high honor.
Poorly raised sons with expected results
The other side of 1 Samuel from the very first chapter is the story of a priest named Eli, who neither raised nor corrected his sons properly. These sons abused the religious power they held and adopted immoral behavior in the house of God.
The story suggests that the old priest should have enforced respect for the temple and guided those who were supposed to continue his priesthood. In the end, as a consequence of the abuses and wickedness of these young men, tragedy overtakes them, and they die on the same day. Eventually, Samuel takes over the priesthood of Israel, bringing an end to a lineage of evil ministers.
The story that doesn’t fit
However, there is another story, one that happened even earlier. It is found in Judges chapter 13.
There we meet another woman, also barren, but unlike Samuel’s mother, she did not ask God for a son. Rather, God himself visited her through his angel to announce that she would bear a child who would deliver Israel from its enemies.
In other words, after a quick reading of the text, Samson was more God’s idea than his parents’. This boy, chosen to bring salvation, raised in the biblical and ethical principles of God, under strict instructions, even about his personal appearance (his hair was never to be cut), ends up derailed by his passions.
In chapter 16 of the same book, we find the decline of this judge of Israel, who falls in love with a woman seeking his downfall. In the end he leads himself to disgrace, disobeying the very God who gave him his supernatural strength and who had shaped him in his parents’ home.
The outcome is tragic. His disobedience leads him to take his own life, in an act of vengeance against his enemies. A sad end.
Jesus and the sin of the parents
The Gospel of John, chapter 9, recounts an episode in the life of the Master from Galilee. There was a young man who needed healing and had been judged harshly by Jewish society. They applied the theology of retribution, which taught that every misfortune was the consequence of the sins of the individual, his parents, or his grandparents.
In response, Jesus said that neither the young man nor his ancestors had sinned, but that the important thing was to see the glory of God revealed. Beautiful words of comfort in a moment of sorrow and rejection.
Today, in many congregations, the merciless idea of the theology of retribution is still applied. For a long time, people have looked for someone to blame for the suffering of others, thus adding pain to pain. But for the Savior, it was never about who sinned. He wanted to focus on what God could do in the midst of tragedy.
A word for parents
As the church, we should not focus on pointing out our siblings’ mistakes in order to blame them. Rather, we should cultivate an attitude that helps heal, lift up, stand in solidarity with those who suffer, and bring comfort that draws good out of evil.
These words should lift the burden from the shoulders of those who, despite giving their all for their children, now see them not following the path they were expected to take. What matters is that as parents we did what we were supposed to do. There comes a moment when our children must make their own decisions. In spite of those decisions, we must continue loving them and showing them Christ.
In other cases, maybe we did not give them the time they needed, or the example, or the education; maybe we failed to correct them when it was necessary, and today their lives bring us shame. Even so, this can be a great opportunity to ask forgiveness from God and from them, but also to love them. Time cannot be reversed, but today we can go out with them, talk, share a coffee, love them, and show them Christ. What we did not do in the past we cannot redo, but love surely covers a multitude of sins. At the end of the day, they are our children, and they will be forever.
If our children are still little, let us raise them with love, discipline, and tenderness, following the counsel given in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,” guiding them in the principles of Jesus and being a good example for them. And if, after all that, they still choose not to follow God, we will know that we did what we were called to do, and our love will remain unconditional.
Warmly,
Rev. David A Gaitan
