But what about offenses that are not unforgivable? | So far we have spoken about forgiveness as the only path when we face wounds that truly change us, those experiences that leave lasting scars on the heart. But this raises an important question: if only the unforgivable requires forgiveness, what should we do with offenses that are not “unforgivable”? | Read here Part I
Perhaps the answer is simpler than we imagine. When an offense has not become a genuine wound, it may not even need forgiveness. It simply needs to be overlooked.
The wisdom of Scripture makes a fascinating distinction. Not every offense deserves a permanent place in our hearts. There are careless words, misunderstandings, forgotten promises, personality differences, unkind responses, and awkward moments that may frustrate us, but do not necessarily need to become deep wounds.
That is why Proverbs says: “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11, NIV).
And a few chapters earlier we read: “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” (Proverbs 17:9, NIV).
Notice that Proverbs is not speaking primarily about forgiveness here. It points us to a virtue that often comes before forgiveness: the wisdom not to turn every disappointment, every careless word, or every slight into a wound that we carry for years. Some injuries can only be healed through forgiveness. But countless daily irritations were never meant to become injuries in the first place.
How much emotional energy do we spend replaying conversations, analyzing people’s words, interpreting motives, or rehearsing small offenses until they become much larger than they ever were? Little by little, our hearts become weighed down by burdens we were never meant to carry.
Scripture invites us to a different way of living. It does not ask us to deny real pain, excuse injustice, or tolerate abuse. Rather, it calls us to cultivate the wisdom to discern what truly requires the difficult, liberating work of forgiveness and what should simply be released before it takes root in our hearts.
A mature follower of Christ not only learns to forgive deep wounds, but also learns not to turn every minor stumble into a major wound. In the end, the goal is the same: to keep walking freely.
Sometimes that freedom comes because forgiveness has lifted the weight of an irreparable hurt. Other times it comes because wisdom kept us from picking up a burden that never belonged in our backpack in the first place. Either way, our hearts remain free to pursue what truly matters: loving God, loving our neighbor, and bearing fruit for the Kingdom.
Warmly,
Rev. David Gaitan
